Monday, December 31, 2007

Dare to be Mediocre!!!

Aspire to the lowest level. A celebration of everything that sucks!!! Dumb it down NOW!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

The maudlin rise to inspire us at times like this!!!

There are some who get warm and fuzzy feelings by acting out the mourning of tragedies experienced by others, normally through the use of a ribbon of some color tied around some tree; a tradition inspired by the quartet of Tony Orlando, Ayatollah Khomeini, and Dawn. They also participate in candlelight vigils where much swaying and solemn humming or singing is done.

Some writers achieve the feeling by using the tragedies experienced by others to write about themselves. This is a fine example. Virginia, a CNN producer, asks aloud, "How do I tell my son?".

Her son had asked Virginia about a flag flying at half staff. Virgina's answer satified her son, and most people would have left it at that, but Virginia went one step further by taking the opportunity to use her son's question to write the following story about the truth smacking her in the face.

Virginia, we are not worthy!

We can only imagine what kind of assault she will write about when her son asks her, "What is The Holocaust?"

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Dip shit retired at U of I

Many students and alumni of the University of Illinois will spend the rest of their lives soiling themselves while curled up in the fetal position.

What is a Chief Illiniwek?

Many believe that the pale face's understanding of the red man will diminish without the Chief.



More jumping around.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Banned scrote

The following is a link to a children's book that is being banned because it refers to a dog's scrotum being bit by a rattlesnake. Rumor has it that many of the kids who have read the book immediately went to wearing black trench coats, and compiling enemies lists.

http://www.amazon.com/Higher-Power-Lucky-Susan-Patron/dp/1416901949

Not much is known about the mental state of the adults posting their reviews of the book on the Amazon site.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ugh, the Caveman, Slipped on the First Banana Peel (via an improv group with a script)

"May I please have a suggestion!"

"Mediocre improv!"

"Ladies and gentleman, the suggestion is: mediocre improv!"

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Parents Television Council

Scary MOFOs Alert!!!

Lame Dick in A Box has the Parents Television Council panty stuck up ass.



Faith in a Box

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Pretty boy Barack starting to look like a real politician

John Kass writes in the Chicago Tribune

I've got a great title for U.S. Sen. Barack Obama's next best seller:

"The Audacity of My Fence"

But surely he'll require a subtitle. So how's this?

"In which I, Barack of O'Bama, demonstrate my lack of presidential judgment by getting into a real estate deal with a radioactive political fixer who got himself indicted, making me look so, so audacious."





Senator Obama buys his dream home.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Bill Maher is an inspiration!!!

OK...How about the barbed wit of Bill Maher? Or...Hey Bill, put another on the barbie!

hahaha

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

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A SIT DOWN DINNER WITH DENNIS WILL KICK OFF THE NIGHT AND THEN TO THE VIP SECTION OF SCORES FOR THE DURATION. WILD WOULD NOT GIVE THIS NIGHT ENOUGH CREDIT. PICTURES WILL BE ALLOWED.

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

ATTENTION ALL YOU GROOVY GUYS AND SHAPELY GALS!!!

[two years from two years ago]
Have too much money?


[two years ago]
Playboy bares club comeback plan
Plans to open a bunny club in Vegas, 18 years after the last legendary Playboy Clubs said farewell.
October 6, 2004: 5:19 PM EDT

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Playboy is making a return to the nightclub scene, 18 years after shuttering the last legendary Playboy Clubs...

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Lorne Michaels is God!!!

Sucking never goes out of style.

Amen

He came to suck!!!

We are not worthy!!!

Mediocre relationshits #76

Old Country Buffet restaurants are to eating as Richard Roeper is to reading.

Viva la Assholes!!!

Sex-crime crusader quits U.S. House
Sent suggestive notes to teenage assistants

By Anthony Man and William E. Gibson, Tribune Newspapers: South Florida Sun-Sentinel; Anthony Man reported from Ft. Lauderdale and William E. Gibson from Washington; Tribune news services contributed
Published September 30, 2006


FT. LAUDERDALE -- In a swift and stunning fall from political power, Rep. Mark Foley resigned his Florida congressional seat Friday, a day after he came under scrutiny for sending questionable e-mails to a male teenage House page.

He left office, effective immediately, hours after he was confronted with sexually explicit Internet instant messages he exchanged with teens...
Copyright © 2006, Chicago Tribune

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

2006 White Sox on target to replace 1969 Cubs as Chicago's biggest chokers

by Jimmy Greenfield

The Cubs could lose 100 games for the first time since 1966, but it's the White Sox who may be a team for the ages.

If the standings hold, the 2006 White Sox will be bigger chokers than the legendary 1969 Cubs.

Here's how it breaks down:

Since starting the season 57-31, The White Sox have gone 27-34 so far in the second half.

The '69 Cubs went 61-37 during the first half before finishing 31-33 in the second half.

Not only did the '69 Cubs have a higher second-half winning percentage, but there's also another huge distinction: If the wild card were in existence in 1969, the second-place Cubs would have made the playoffs.

The Sox may miss out on the playoffs even with two extra playoff spots awarded in the American League.

And they've done this while playing the season virtually injury-free, with enormous home-crowd support and while their chief competitors, the Minnesota Twins, had its starting rotation decimated by injuries.

You can argue that the Sox never had anywhere near the 10-game lead the Cubs had on the Mets, but the fact is the White Sox led the Twins by 10 games at the All-Star break. This choke was just more methodical and less dramatic.

So cheer up Cub fans, the season isn't entirely lost. Two more weeks and you'll be able to laugh at Sox fans all winter long. Maybe even longer.

copyright 2006 Chicago Tribune

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Nobody throws a White Christian European Heritage Festival like the Klan.

The loving folks at the Ku Klux Klan and other touchy feely people are throwing another love thy brothers and sisters real good fest next month. Bend over with your banjo and squeal on down!!!

According to Jim...

is now on all the time on superchannel WGN. It doesn't get any better than this.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

From "Radchad08" via IMDB - "Dr. Stranglove too suttle"

Horrible

by - Radchad08 (Wed May 17 2006)

I am 17 years old and my class watched this movie I did not like it and didn't think it was funny. I would defienitly not recommend Dr. Stranglove to anybody that doesn't like suttle humor.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Does Ann Coulter Make You Wet or Hard?

From The Village Voice

You have Cindy Sheehan, we have Ann. Unless you are gay, the choice is obvious. If you are indeed queer, then Sheehan is perfect if you pine for Mr. Magoo with a penis and an even more bulbous nose.

Hot for Ann,
Jack
Chicago